Grit by Angela Duckworth

I had to put on a motivational video just now, below is a clip that applies to my current project:

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxzkpXhxjvjz1lkos4bfh-Za9HT3GpD7-o?si=Q3FixOp68v9bjF-e

Honestly… for the most part I prefer a… softer mindset most of the time. I more ascribe to a Taoist “Wu Wei” (go with the flow) attitude. I’ve had experiences where I’ve tried very hard to accomplish something and failed. And then when I’ve decided “F it then. I’ll just put in a reasonable effort and… that’s it.” And ironically, after some of those decisions, then I’ve accomplished what I couldn’t with my more intense efforts.

I’m reminded of an Alan Watts quote:

“When I try to impress people I usually don’t.”

(I’m not sure if I got that exactly word for word correct)

There is a caveat: perhaps I wouldn’t have had those successes without the prior intense (and sometimes ridiculous) efforts.

Buddhism is called the middle way for a good reason. Perhaps I have more of an affinity for “Wu Wei” but there is most definitely something to be said for grit – unwavering persistence and determination over an extended period of time.

Angela Duckworth has some inspiring stories in her book Grit. I started reading Mindset by Carol Dweck. When I picked up Mindset I didn’t realize that Dweck coined the term “growth mindset” in that book, which is funny because that is the biggest bullet point in the employee guidelines for the company I work for.I

It was in Grit where I heard that Bill Gates would give coders a tedious problem in the interview process that wasn’t very intellectually challenging but was tedious and required significant determination. Bill only hired software devs that completed that problem.

One of the “Most Important Things” that I teach my kids – number 7 – is: Everything in moderation – but sometimes devour the chocolate cake!

Most of these “most important things” are paradoxical because… that’s how life and the world is. Even at a physical level, when you get down to the quantum level, what do you find? Paradox. The particle is both a field and a single point within that field. Light behaves as both an electron and a wave. It was Eckhart Tolle who I heard say in a lecture: “If it is not paradoxical then it is not the deepest truth.”

I’m pretty far off topic now… let me come back now.

Maybe there is no conflict. Perhaps going with the flow means that sometimes it’s time to “grind” – even though I shudder a bit writing that. I think too many people in The West grind their lives away. Lately I’m afraid that I am doing the same thing. The goal of this project was to have more happy time with my wife and children. I really hope it turns out that way.

I was talking to my favorite gas station convenience store attendant recently, his name is Yama. I mentioned something about all this effort I’m putting into this project and he said something like “You know what I tell people? That is the salt and pepper of life!” I replied: “Yin and Yang! You are a wise man Yama!”

I tell my kids that if all works out as I’d like it to, they might have enough money to just lounge on a beach and drink tropical drinks and eat fancy cheese – but that will not make them happy! The opposite probably. If you never “grind” then you don’t appreciate the times when you are not grinding. And if you’re not helping anyone (that’s Most Important Thing #1 but before age 4 or 5 I simplify that to “be nice to people” and after another year or two it becomes “be nice to people and all living things – including yourself.”) or adding something to this world, creating something or making something better (or at least trying) then you’re not going to end up a happy person.

This blog post is all over the place… I didn’t have a clear plan with this one… just put on that video and wanted to put that clip somewhere I’d come across it again.

Angela, apologies, I like Grit and I think it’s most definitely worth the read, but if I had to recommend one or the other I think I’d have to pick Dweck’s Mindset. I think her style is more coherent, elegant, and cohesive.

The main idea in both books: your natural talent matters but very little. What is far more important when trying to accomplish something is your determination and work ethic. You most definitely CAN improve at anything if you are determined and willing to put in the hours.

I forget if it was Dweck or Duckworth, I think the latter, who quoted Nietzsche. Dang… that paragraph was hard to find the first time when I had the quote in front of me… Why is it that we tend to believe that natural talent matters more than grit and determination and perseverance? Nietzsche thought that it is because that belief allows the believer to give themselves a free pass – we can avoid the shame and embarrassment of not having achieved something if we believe that we never could have because of a lack of natural talent. The truth is – you can accomplish or become the champion or virtuoso that you admire. But when we don’t… because of a crap work ethic or a fear of failure… well… it’s an uncomfortable thought and if one credits natural talent for success then one is absolved of responsibility and can sleep a little easier at night.

P.S. Here is a bonus video about being fearless, which is related because it’s the fear of failure that often crushes our determination and “grit”: